Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Hey

I didn't have any intention of coming back... I mean nothing triggered me and I was surprised to see that my last blog entry was in 2015. I'm not sure if I checked this blog at all last year.

Recently my friend was like I found your blog lol and I was like wow that's right I do have a blog and two days ago I reread my old posts (shrieked with laughter at the lipan post, brought back so many memories)

2016 was... literal hell lmaooo I'm sorry I cannot afford to sugarcoat. To be honest the hellish things happened in just a short span of time and because they happened back to back like that it left me in such a devastated state. I vented on Tumblr and my online friends were so, so nice to me. I remember what it felt like, it was so insidious and just thinking about it makes my chest tight. Alhamdulillah things are so much better now...

I'm currently in the O&G posting - my favourite one so far because the lecturers are literal angels and it's such an emotional posting. I've watched so many deliveries but imagine - every single one will be a moment etched in the mother's heart forever isn't that special? Isn't that something. And to get to see that and how they manage a smile when the nurse holds the baby up so they can call the sex out is just - mashaAllah. I don't know if I'll be able to smile right after so much pain.

Smile or no smile my exam is in a week and... have I changed? Did I become the diligent girl I've always wanted to be? Nope.

Yet Allah SWT still Gives. I need therapy  to stop this madness

p/s i mean there are so many postings i haven't undergone but this is probably it. i feel it. this is my soul. since i was very young all i've said was 'gynae'

p/p/s see you in a couple of years let's see where I stand. InshaAllah khair

p/p/p/s honestly? I don't know how to thank Him. He's the reason for everything. I hope I remember that. I hope all that my heart is, is Him. I hope I love for His sake. I hope I remember for His sake. I hope I live for His sake and die for His sake. I get overwhelmed sometimes; like why is Allah SWT so nice to me. Haters will say I sound like a fanatic/radical but really I'm just a smol girl who loves her Lord. Alhamdulillah ala kulli haal.

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