Saturday, March 30, 2013


I had an amazing childhood. The years 1998-2005 were the best years of my life and I would do anything to go back there. Anything.

I had an amazing childhood because I believe I really didn't care about anything at all. If something bothered me one day it wouldn't bother me the next. I did all my homework, aced my exams, everyone liked me - or so I believe, hope it's true though. Because you can't hate a shy brown girl with wild curly hair and dimples in her cheeks. I went to four different schools during my primary years so you can imagine the amount of experience and friends I got. It was SO nice. Other people I know hate changing schools but like I said - when I was young I didn't really care about anything. I went to several schools, left several marks, made cool friends and met awesome teachers. Life was so good. I am still in contact with some of my childhood friends although I can't seem to reach them all. I just found out my best friend during standard three has a Tumblr but I'm too shy to approach her haha. I don't think she remembers me though, I'm going to have to make her consult the school magazine. If she still has it. Mind you that's like ten years ago. Man I sound pathetic. The other friends I managed to reach... well let's just say the status FB gave us were 'friends'. That's it. They have their own circle of friends, I have my own. No conversation exchanged. Why didn't I start you say?  Actually I did. Oh yes I did. Let's just say they weren't really enthusiastic to acknowledge my existence. And get this - ten years ago you aren't what you are today. Ten years ago you were a different person. Ten years ago you might tell yourself; "I'm never going to do such a thing." But ten years later you're doing it all right and you don't even remember the little thing you told yourself ten years ago.

We're a little off topic here. Back to my childhood. I was a happy person. It's not that I'm not happy right now - it's just that I was... happier. If I couldn't settle a problem I just shrugged it off. Ain't that amazing. Today if I have a problem I think about it and I let it affect my day. It shouldn't be the way. It shouldn't. Every morning I would go to school as usual and in the evenings I'd go out and play with my bro. If the bicycle was in a good condition we'd cycle. If it's not we'd just walk around the neighbourhood. My neighbours and I in Subang Jaya - we were really close. We played all sorts of games. Two of them are gymnasts - the gymnast sisters we called them. There was this horizontal pole in the playground and the sisters taught us tricks. If I think about what I used to do to imitate those sisters I'd shudder. I would've broke my neck. They were trained, I was not. But no necks were ever broken and I was a happy gymnast for a year. Even if my little performance was in a playground watched by other kids who were too scared to try.

I was so hardworking. Never knew the meaning of procrastinate. Finished all my schoolwork and never had to try to get in the teachers' good books. I remember crying till my pillow turned soggy one day when I was nine because I got my first B ever. Math paper. 72%. Come to think of it math was never really my thing. (I'm thinking of dropping math for this semester by the way I can't handle that woman no more, I'm gonna have to try another semester)

And my heart - it was pure, oh so pure. I don't really know how to describe that pureness. I guess it's something every child has. And when I smiled I had a twinkle in my eye. I don't know where that came from either. If I look at my childhood photographs I smile quite differently than today. My smile looked natural and you can't miss the twinkle-in-the-eye thing. Today my smile looks forced. Practiced. And my eyes - they look dead. They have ceased to shine.

I look up to my childhood self. No kidding. I respect my childhood self so much and sometimes I wish to meet her. I wish to meet that girl from a decade ago. But sometimes I don't. Because then she will say

"Why did you kill me?"

But wait. The plot unfolds:

"I didn't... kill you. You're me. If I killed you I wouldn't be here today."

*narrows eyes* "You know what I mean. Do you still loathe egg yolks though?"

"No egg yolk has ever passed these lips on purpose."


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