Monday, December 31, 2012

what is up


Dude this girl is back, whatever is she gonna do now? Whatever is she gonna rant on next? Can somebody stop her? I'm tired of her - gimme a break.

Well I got tired with this blog too for a while. The real reason why is because one day I had this certain feeling that I don't want to leave too many marks on the internet. I mean there's and FB and instagram and twitter and tumblr - I don't know, I got tired of it all. Macam bersepah nama aku, liddat. Don't get me wrong. Thousands of people manage more social networking websites, not to mention the various apps on their smartphones, but for me it's just too much. Is this the internet legacy I'mma leave behind? All these words and photos by an emotionally unstable adolescent? That. And also various other reasons which I don't really feel the need to mention. You see, I have a very queer way of thinking. But that is what I think, and I can't help thinking what I think.

Hence I deleted them all and now I am left with FB and tumblr. I thought of deleting this thing too but then I dunno, I have had this since I was 15. Mind you. Back in 2009. I couldn't bring myself to do it, haha. I also realized that I can't stop writing. I may stop talking, but I can't stop writing. I write in my sleep. Fact. Heheh. No.

Not to mention the deep deep embarassment I get when I read my old blog posts. Like gurrrrl why'd you have to tell that to the whole world? Some things should be left unsaid, you know what I'm saying? I still hate my writing style, though. But some of the things I used to write were just... hm. I guess I was a different person back then, my thoughts ran on a different track, etc. Five or ten years from now, I might look at my posts again and be the same. It never stops, you see. The more you grow, the more you get embarassed of what you used to do, or be. Thank God the human brain doesn't remember things very well. Like, probably if I told my friends what I used to do when I was in my pre-teens they won't even remember. Or just dismiss it like, "Ehh we were kids, whadya expect?" Kan kan.

I need Tumblr at the moment because


you see, I cannot part with it. And FB! quite important for expressing 30% of my thoughts, knowing what's going on and stuff, like, "More info about the debate club will be posted on the CFS FB page" you know, so. Not that I can join the debate club. Next semester I'm taking Maths and Physics and I'm already pretty scared because there has never been a chemistry between me and numbers.

Gonna start studying again on the 20th of January. Till then I'm just at home, chilling.

Actually I'm working on a book! But I haven't really started yet, I don't even have the whole plot ready. Let's hope I can at least really sit down and properly arrange the points I have before the 20th.

PS: I just realized that it's the 31st of Dec when I was about to publish this post and I got creeped out, I thought it was still the 27th/28th. I never really keep track of dates these days, I don't know why.

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