Wednesday, April 19, 2017


I didn't have any intention of coming back... I mean nothing triggered me and I was surprised to see that my last blog entry was in 2015. I'm not sure if I checked this blog at all last year.

Recently my friend was like I found your blog lol and I was like wow that's right I do have a blog and two days ago I reread my old posts (shrieked with laughter at the lipan post, brought back so many memories)

2016 was... literal hell lmaooo I'm sorry I cannot afford to sugarcoat. To be honest the hellish things happened in just a short span of time and because they happened back to back like that it left me in such a devastated state. I vented on Tumblr and my online friends were so, so nice to me. I remember what it felt like, it was so insidious and just thinking about it makes my chest tight. Alhamdulillah things are so much better now...

I'm currently in the O&G posting - my favourite one so far because the lecturers are literal angels and it's such an emotional posting. I've watched so many deliveries but imagine - every single one will be a moment etched in the mother's heart forever isn't that special? Isn't that something. And to get to see that and how they manage a smile when the nurse holds the baby up so they can call the sex out is just - mashaAllah. I don't know if I'll be able to smile right after so much pain.

Smile or no smile my exam is in a week and... have I changed? Did I become the diligent girl I've always wanted to be? Nope.

Yet Allah SWT still Gives. I need therapy  to stop this madness

p/s i mean there are so many postings i haven't undergone but this is probably it. i feel it. this is my soul. since i was very young all i've said was 'gynae'

p/p/s see you in a couple of years let's see where I stand. InshaAllah khair

p/p/p/s honestly? I don't know how to thank Him. He's the reason for everything. I hope I remember that. I hope all that my heart is, is Him. I hope I love for His sake. I hope I remember for His sake. I hope I live for His sake and die for His sake. I get overwhelmed sometimes; like why is Allah SWT so nice to me. Haters will say I sound like a fanatic/radical but really I'm just a smol girl who loves her Lord. Alhamdulillah ala kulli haal.

Monday, November 9, 2015

so i looked into my old thumbrive

and found old pictures, I look... well, like me. But thank God for my current appearance because I like this very much.

Anyway. What really made me smile were my old writings. There was an unfinished novel I intended to write, which I don't intend on finishing because I do not like the concept. It's very chick-lit, very superficial. But it's nice reading your stuff man there's a sense of nostalgia that comes with it, and you get to see how your writing style evolved. I burst into laughter at a few of them, like this particular line: "Okay, got to hang up, my mother’s back, I haven’t scrubbed the toilet," 

I also found this: Once upon a time, there lived an old woman who looked so old, people thought she could fall and die any minute.

LOL who writes like that?!! You can't write like that to kids. Yes this was taken from a short story I intended to write for primary school children.

God lol

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

An important question:

When is Israel gonna be wiped off the face of the earth?

You were homeless. Unwanted. Palestine welcomed you with open arms. That's how they are with guests. That's how they have always been. That's how they always will be.

These same people and their ancestors who once gave you temporary refuge today are terrorized by you.

Palestinian-Israeli violence. There is no hyphen. The only violence there is comes from one side, and they come from you.

You arrest children who throw stones at you when you are armed with deadly weapons and protective gear. You fatally shoot at a teenager trying to get to school, claiming she has a knife. A defenseless 18 year-old girl. Shot 10 times. Left to bleed. You are the biggest cowards the universe has ever witnessed. The most vile group of people to ever walk the earth.

You chant death slogans towards these people who once showered you with hospitality. Truly you have no shame and dignity.

You watch from atop a hill as you fire rockets to Gaza. You cheer when blasts are heard. Evil. Evil. Evil. You truly are devils.

You burn babies alive. You set fire to houses and olive trees; do you know what the trees mean to Palestinians? today you watch the fire consume my brothers and sisters.

tomorrow i will watch you eaten by the Fire in the deepest pits of hell.

Thursday, September 17, 2015


Assalamualaikum ~

cewah tetiba ada ~ tu macam comel + i-mean-no-harm punya vibe gitu. Hai ~ Kawaii ngat.


Malam ni takde mood nak belajar. InshaAllah esok datangla semangat tu. InshaAllah. Dah lewat ni, tapi nak ambik masa sikit cerita pasal Al-Razzaq. Siapa Al-Razzaq? Dialah yang Maha Memberi. 

The One who creates all means of nourishment and subsistence. The One who is the giver of all things beneficial, both physical and spiritual. The One who provides everything that is needed.The One who causes the means of subsistence to come. The One who bestows all means of support and growth, for the body, the mind and the spiritual life. -

Bercakap daripada pandangan personal - mashaAllah - tiap2 kali aku kering sikit - tak kira la bab duit, makanan - ada je rezeki yang tiba2 datang. ada sahaja. wallahi. Masa tu la kau rasa sayang pada Allah SWT ni melimpah-limpah. SubhanAllah. Mak aku selalu ingatkan, bibir tu jangan tinggal ucap syukur kat Allah. Terlalu banyak yang Dia dah bagi padahal kita dalam keadaan alpa. Authubillah. 

Aku amik beberapa kejadian yang aku ingat la eh. Aku ni jenis yang tak suka mintak duit kat mak bapak. Selagi rasa boleh manage lagi, aku tak mintak. Kadang2 tinggal RM10 baru nak mintak, haha masalah betul aku ni. Sama je la kan, mintak je la awal2 duhh last2 kena mintak jugak. Pernah sekali tu masa asasi, malam tu memang cadang nak mintak. Entah macam mana masa tengah kemas baju ke apa, tangan aku terpegang not dalam loker. Wah. Dua keping RM50 ke sekeping. Tak ingat. Dulu memang aku letak duit lebih bawah baju. Ingat dah habis, ada lagi rupanya. Alhamdulillah. 

Fast forward ke hari ni, dengan duit dah mula nak tandus. Pastu aku dah lama teringin nak makan burger tapi taktau cane nak gi, kereta hari ni semua tak available. Pastu nak lunch tapi makanan bawah dah abes. Teringat plak petang ada latihan tenis. Ah sudah. Mcm mana nak main. Kau tengok macam mana Al-Razzaq susun rezekiNYA untuk aku hari ni.

Mula2 dapat mesej dari kawan, bagitau duit yang kami dulukan untuk ada satu program dulu dah boleh claim. Alhamdulillah. Dapat jugakla aku a week's worth buat belanja. Progam tu lama dah, aku pun takkan ingat kalau dia tak ingatkan aku. Bab duit setel alhamdulillah. 

Lunch? Naik2 je dari kiosk dengan roti dan milo, kawan aku ajak makan bubur nasi + bubur jagung. Mak dia bawak nak jamu kawan2 satu batch. Alhamdulillah. Semangkuk bubur nasi aku amek. Alhamdulillah.

Burger? Lepas isya' tadi aku tertidur. Tiba2 roommate kejut, "weh aku nak pi burger king ni. Nak kirim pape tak?" 

Maha Besar Tuhan kita dalam menyelesaikan urusan hamba-hambaNYA. Ni soal rezeki yang material, rezeki lain yang sehari-harian tu macam mana? Rezeki badan sihat. Rezeki mental sihat. Rezeki kekuatan, rezeki senang masuk ilmu, dan macam2 lagi rezeki yang kadang2 we tend to overlook. Termasuklah aku.Alhamdulillah, thumma Alhamdulillah. MashaAllah.

Monday, March 23, 2015

Dreams do come true.

Guess whet. Just last month I captioned a photo on instagram saying i'm no longer in my nerd phase; i'm a cool chick now, so no more for me. Well i'm eating my words. (Plus the caption was just a joke, okkk)

Why does everything I say these days needs prior disclaimer? I'm turning more and more problematic that's it.

Anyway. It is 2015 Masihi guys can you believe that. I am turning 21 this year and I'm not that hyped but I'm also not sad. I'm more like 'meh' yknow. Like, whatever. Updates, updates. How are all of you? How am I you ask? Never better.

If you have been following me for long, if you've been friends with me for long - you guys would know one thing at least: My desire to be in medical school.

And here I am.

Alhamdulillah. I still find myself not believing it - on certain occasions. Like when I slack in my schoolwork: Hello. Sedar diri. Kau bakal berhadapan dengan nyawa manusia. Kalau tak nak tension suatu hari nanti sila belajar baik2 dan rajin2 dari sekarang. Thanks.

Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah.

And it's already block/semester 3, matter of fact today was the first day of block 3.

Doakan aku. Allah SWT itu Maha Besar, Maha mengkabulkan doa. Aku ingat lagi aku mintak kat Dia, kalau ini bukan untuk aku tunjukkan jalan. Dan kalau ini memang untuk aku - tunjukkan dan mudahkanlah.

The day I received the phone call - I remember it was a Monday - it felt like the longest day of my life. And almost seven months have passed since that day, can you believe it? Speaking of time, it really does fly. But on certain occasions I feel like it drags too much. I told this to a friend and her advice really touched my heart that I wrote it down on a piece of paper:

"Time really does fly sub7anallah. Just take it a day at a time. You'll be at the end of those five years tomorrow."

InshaAllah, biiznIllah I will, with a scroll in my hand, the oath in my heart, and a huge smile on my parents' faces.

PS: Dan Allah SWT itu Maha Adil, Maha Bijaksana. Tak boleh aku bayangkan kalau duduk terlalu jauh dari rumah. Dok sini - the farthest I've been from home - pun dah terseksa merana jiwa lara amekaw. I guess I'm just not ready. (What was I thinking dok PJ 20 mins from home pun sebak2 lagi ingat kat mak bapak) I plan to do my Masters degree overseas; let's see how it goes. inshaAllah. Mungkin aku akan angkut mak aku. By the time mungkin beliau telah memilih untuk pencen. Ya, itu satu posibiliti. InshaAllah.

PPS: Jangan berhenti berdoa. Kalau sesat, kembali. Kembali. Sesungguhnya Allah SWT itu Maha Baik. Maha Maha Maha Baik. Tak mampu nak cerita macam mana Baik.